Friday, February 12, 2010

10 Things every woman should demand from a man

Each woman has her own completely legitimate set of criteria – can’t have back hair, must have health insurance, should have twins running in his family, loves to rollerskate, is George-Clooney charming, prefers wine to beer and so on. But there are certain conditions beyond honesty, respect and good communication (the trifecta of any relationship foundation) that every woman, no matter what your taste in men, deserves to have in her life’s co-pilot. Here’s a checklist for what you should demand from your man.

10. A grown up.

A healthy relationship begins with two people who come together already completed, mature and ready for the great responsibilities that come with love. Simply, it is not a woman's job to raise her man. Your Mr. Right should not rely on you to be his life mechanic -- you're not there to fix his financial, psychological or emotional problems. He needs to have healed his mistakes and hurts of the past and now be solid and whole so that he is able to face new challenges confidently when they arise, as well as be a strong support system for you.

9. To feel hot!

Assuming you are putting in the effort to maintain your appearance, it is your man's duty to lust after you – to remind you that you've got it going on. From complimenting you on an outfit to noticing a new haircut to a for-no-reason-at-all "you are so beautiful" reminder message, your guy should make you feel gorgeous.

8. Belly laughs.

While your man doesn't need to be a stand-up comedian, he should be able to spike your days with a dose of laughter. Life can be hard, and your guy needs to be someone who is dedicated to turning your cloudy days blindingly sunny. We all know laughter is the best medicine, and having it as a primary ingredient in a relationship recipe is critical to its short- and long-term health.

7. Prioritization.

No matter how in-demand your man is, you should be No. 1 on his speed dial, and never should he bypass a call from you for someone else. It is key for you to know that you can count on him for anything and everything, always. This doesn't mean that he shouldn't have a life -- he should. It just means that he should be looking out for yours.

6. Great sex.

There is no excuse for a man not deliver in the bedroom... if he wants to. After all, there are plenty of tutorials in the form of porn, magazine how tos or girlfriends willing to be tour guides to help them get it right. Living a sexually unsatisfied life isn't living at all. If a man isn't willing to put forth the effort to learn what it takes to turn you on, it is time to turn him off.

5. Butterflies, still.

When apart for a few hours or a few weeks, for no pinpointable reason, reconnecting with your man ought to give you the warm-and-fuzzies, even after countless kisses, unlimited hand-holds and hugs galore. Maintaining the butterfly feeling is proof that your guy is putting forth the effort to keep romance alive.

4. Freedom.

Freedom is an excellent indicator that your man trusts you. Freedom comes in many forms – freedom to have a girls-only weekend in Mexico, freedom to explore a new career, freedom to be alone – all of which circle back to your man trusting your decisions and giving you space for your own growth.

3. Utter adoration.

Inside and out, every quirk, every "flaw", every everything about you should be understood and adored by your man. Never should you feel the tendency to be a chameleon, adapting to what you think he wants you to be. You should already be everything he needs. A good guy will go the extra mile to make you feel great about your insecurities.

2. A safe place to be 100-percent YOU.

In a healthy relationship, you should feel safe, liberated and loved enough to be who you are – all the dimensions of your being – all the time... figuratively naked. So if that means you are a buttoned-up badass by day and someone who dances around singing into a hairbrush by night, so be it. A forever-guy will not only allow it, he will love it.

1. Patience, generosity and consideration.

These are the triplets of kindness, each one of equal importance. Patience means he can deal with tension calmly and productively, looking at life's challenges as opportunities to teach and to learn. Generosity of mind, spirit, heart, wealth, time – anything you want to share (even dessert!) – your guy must want to share equally with you. And finally, your man should be considerate of your feelings, your time and your goals. He should be considerate of how his decisions impact you.

Tack these demands onto your mirror and use them as affirmations. The right man will come along when you have the courage to stand your ground. Hey, it's your life and your every happiness, right?

by, Tristan Coopersmith

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Role of Communication in relationship between husband and wife

Communication is very important in any relationship. In relation between husband and wife, role of communication play importation part to maintain the relationship. According to Alberts, 1988, the important of communication as a factor involved in marital success has been noted for many years. Communication in marriage relationship is for understanding, loves, help, and entertainment. To understand each other, the husband and wife need to communicate so that they can feel and share the happiness between them. Love is the most important is relationship, husband and wife communicate to establish the relationship continuously. Most of our respondent agreed that communication is the best way to maintain relationship, even thought the couple is separated or in long distance relationship, communication is top priority to maintain the relationship either through the phone, email or letter at least once per day. According to couple, Azizul Rahman (28) and Fazlina (28), husband and wife have to understand each other and always ‘give and take’ in relationship in term of conversations and help each other in any action. Husband or wife has to be creative in communication so that the relationship always fresh and prolonged. For example, this couple is a long distant relationship, the husband work in Kuala Lumpur and his wife work in Johor. They maintain the relation through communication. They communicate each other at least two or five time per day through telephone or SMS and sometime by email. Sometime the wife will send a romantic SMS to the husband and make a cute card fulfill with appreciation word to her spouse. Then, one or two time they will meet each other.

Most of our respondent agreed that, spend time with family can make the communication more batter. Communication will make people become closer and comfortable with each other. Communication in family not only through talking with each other, but there is communication through many activities, such as camping, sports, eat together and household chores. Communication not only by words (verbal) we speak, but also by the spirit, attitude, and intention underlying the literal content of the massage. We also communicate nonverbally through facial expressions. For example, a wife may respond to the husband’s invitation to join him on a business trip by clearly indicating through facial expression alone whether she wants to go or not.( Nick Stinnett, James Walters, Nancy Stinnett, pg,135) So, the husband may understands the wife through the facial expression. It is very important for husband and wife to communicate so that the relationships become closer and intimate. Positive relationship will be occurred if there is positive communication practice by husband and wife. Positive communications for example, give each other time to express what they have to say without interrupting. Do not finger point and blame. Don’t run away or act like the victim. Be thoughtful and accepting of your spouse’s faults.

Communication in husband and wife also can lead them to successful marital. Husband and wife respect each other and communicate in proper way. Screaming, rude word and disrespect each other will course a problem in the relationship. Therefore, proper communication in relationship is important to lead a success family as what they desired. Good communication sometime is based upon their religion belief and something that they practice inherits from old people or previous generation. Each cultural group also has its own set of rules and emphases for everyday conversation, use of words and expression, use of praise and criticism and ways of communicating. Many people agreed that, success in marital can effect to the social life either in workplace, in society, in the household and also health. Happiness is a major pursuit in all aspects of our lives: jobs, education, recreation, and personal relationships. It is not surprising, then, that many people link happiness marriage. A Harris poll revealed that 96% of Americans consider a good family life to be one of the most important parts of life ( Harris, 1981) .

Happiness family is one of important thing in human being because it can release they stress from outside and to pleasure with family. Therefore, every marriage couple wished to have happy family in their marriage life. Some people have the idea that marriage is a state of perpetual happiness. Indeed, many people marry thinking that a spouse will bring happiness. (Neubeck, 1982). To maintain this and create this happiness, communication plays an important role. According to our respondent a marriage couple, Neilson (36) and Mazilla J. (30), they state that, communication is very important in marriage relationship, husband and wife have to communicate with each other as often as their can because the more we communicate the more we can understand our spouse. Through communication with each other we may know what our partner need. Without communication impossible two person can get along together. For example, our respondent, Richard S.(38) and his wife Helen S. (34), even thought this couple are intermarriage where is the husband is Kayan from Sarawak and his wife is Murut from Sabah they can be together with one language to communicate with each other. They communicate with the language which both can understand. So, they speak in Bahasa Melayu at home with their children.

Good communication in marital also can avoid family problem such as divorce, quarrel and misunderstanding. When we ask respondent about how to manage the problem occurred in the relationship of marriage, most of them said that, every problem that occurred in family must be discussed with patiently and tolerantly. Roberto (27) and Emmy Jain (22), said that, using proper word when speak to the spouse and must be discuss the problem in peace situation, face to face when settling the altercation and husband or wife have to understand the situation then both should be free to talk and be honest in conversations. Understand each and not to pushing the partner if there is conflict in marital relationship. The culture of communication between husband and wife has been known, therefore, marriage couples always try to adapt the culture in marital life just like how society can accept. For example, Islam forbids the husband not to yell in front of his wife then the wives also have to obey her husband. Islam encourage husband and wife to respect each other for avoid family problem. Other culture also such as in villages, they tried not to speak crude to the partner because they neighbor will think negative and this can embarrass them.

Enhanced understanding of each other leads to positive awareness and responsiveness to each other. In this way good communication contributes to marital happiness ( Indvik & Fitzpatrick, 1982) Effectiveness communication in marriage life particularly depend on how depth our relationship with the spouses. We need to understands the partner deeply and their feeling so that communication can be effective to ensure the peaceful and happiness in marital life. How ever, a quite number of people chose to not have any marital relationship because of they own negative perception toward marriage life.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Be serious in love...

Just wanna share to you a story based on true story about love it!!! Its touching me.. althought that is silly decision in the story..feel free to share you comment after read this story..

There was once a girl named Ashley who had a boyfriend named Jack. Jack was the most popular guy in school. The three most popular girls were Courtney, ASHLEY, and Emma. Jack thought of Ashley as OKAY, but he REALLY liked Courtney. Courtney liked jack also. Well of course she did, everyone did! Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies.

Courtney tried to steal Jack away every time she had a chance to. One day, Courtney asked Jack if he wanted to go to the movies. Ashley heard everything....what movie, What movie theatre and what time.

Ashley approached the movies that night and followed Jack and Courtney. Ashley sat right behind them. she watched them get close to each other and kiss....not only kiss, but practically get it on in the theatre.

Courtney told Jack "Do you want to come to my place and skip this boring movie?" He replied "hell, yes." Ashley had peeked through Courtney's window. Jack and her were messing around and Ashley watched the whole thing. The next day at school Ashley wasn't there. For the next few days Ashley wasn't there.

A week later her mother found her in her closet dead... she committed suicide
because she had loved Jack so much. Next to Ashley's dead body was a note.
A note that read:

" My dearest Jack,
I watched you at the movie and at Courtney's house and I will continue to watch you. I never thought you would do something like this to me. I really loved you jack. I died for you just like Jesus died for us. Always with you, Ashley "
Be serious and have commitment in relationship, if you can't, don't start that relationship he first place.